There are two distinct versions of myself: the Higher Happy Self (soul), and my Lower Darker Self (ego).
When faced with a challenging conversation, my Lower Self will often oscillate between being reactive/heated/defensive or cool/cold/harsh/unfeeling; both extremes acting as shields to my ego.
When activated, these “shields” or mechanisms have brought along many undesired mental and emotional side effects: anxiety (probably high blood pressure), insomnia, depression, resentment, rumination. The trickle-down effect of which has affected my relationships, resulted in poor judgement, analysis paralysis, stress, adrenal fatigue, frustration, and unhappiness.
The side effect of THAT has included weight gain, self-sabotage, reckless decision-making, procrastination, not going after my dreams, extreme fatigue/loss of motivation, and of course, the cycle continues. All triggered by one simple thing: the INABILITY TO HEALTHILY PROCESS MENTAL/EMOTIONAL CONFLICT, or what my ego perceives to be a threat.
I’m not sure what the answer is. It’s so much easier to share, give advice, and speak on social media as your “Higher Self”. But the reality is my (and most people’s) problems don’t stem from when I’m in that healthy, balanced state. They come up when the Lower Self is at play.
So the question is how do we effectively and consistently SHIFT that, coming from that lower, darker place? Going on long solo walks usually does the trick, but isn’t always convenient or possible. So what is the answer?
Let’s just say, I’m in the discovery, and it’s a great place to be.