I love my parents, and for the majority of my life, I’ve always felt they were very critical of me. It was always done with the best intent, of course. Unfortunately, good intentions don’t always give you the results you want.
Although I’ve been working on my wellness and self-development for years, it wasn’t until 6 months ago that I realized just how much that DEEPLY engrained negative self-talk affected virtually every area of my life.
My negative self-talk is so prevalent and yet so engrained in my subconscious, that I never even realized there was an OPTION for me not to engage with it. My negative self-talk wasn’t just an opinion, but they were ‘FACTS’ I thought I knew about myself that were simply a part of my identity.
In my head, it was a “fact” that I’m fat and lazy. It was a “fact” that I’m a procrastinator, annoying, unlovable, not good enough. It was a “fact” that I will never be as successful as my father. It was a “fact” that unless I looked, earned, or behaved like SYZ, I must be a bad person. To my brain, those were just FACTS, just as my eyes are brown, and I like to eat lasagne… FACTS, people!!
I’m not sure when these thoughts will ever go away, or if they ever will. What I do know is I’m determined to HEAR those thoughts, and replace them with something new and empowering every day. And that I love myself, for everything I am, and everything I’m not – even when it’s hard to.
I love this Tedx Talk: “The Skill of Having Confidence” by Dr. Ivan Joseph, athletic director and head coach of the varsity soccer team at Ryerson University.
In it, he loosely references one of my all-time favourite poems, Invictus by William Ernest Henley: I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.